The New Old Me, or the Old New Me?

TGI Thursday! I’m happy to say that my intensive week of consulting is over, and that my (small) part went well today. Since I am actually subcontracting to a consultant, this has sort of been his opportunity to kick my tires and see if he wants to work with me again. I think tonight when he said “I’ve got enough work to keep you busy for the next two months,” I got my answer!

When I flew out to this meeting, I had very little idea of what was going to take place. Not knowing any of the participants in the start-up, I had only the vaguest notion of what they’d be doing. It turns out, that this experience gave me a chance to witness the birthing of a new entity, with all of the pains and joys that such labor always brings.

Now there are plans in place and targets to be shooting for. I don’t know if the team involved will come through with everything they said they should in the next few months, but I’m looking forward to finding out! I’m rooting for them, as they are a great group and have a mission statement and values that resonate with me.

What I also didn’t know was that coming out here was going to challenge, fundamentally, my plans for the future.

The last time I was out of work in 2002, I was adamant that consulting was not for me. I had no contacts, I didn’t know what services I could sell, I didn’t want the bother of finding clients, and I was really hungering to be surrounded by a team and not be working by myself. I struggled for two years trying to make ends meet until I found my next full time position.

This time around, I have been feeling pretty much the same.

Until now.

Having watched a company trying to take off, and having been among a team of people paid to help that process, I’m now starting to see concretely some things that had been abstract up to now. Namely, what it takes to go into business for yourself. There are aspects to it that concern me, but I think the downturn in the economy was my wake up call. There ARE no risk-free options.

I don’t know what this has to do with my being a Weight Watcher, except for the fact that I had a mixed bag of successes and failures with food this week. About 90% of the time I stuck to super healthy options and was really smart about choosing good and tasty food. And then about 10% of the time I completely sabotaged my efforts. Like today, when the conference ended, and I went into town to reward myself by purchasing four jumbo bakery cookies and eating them all right on the spot.

What I’m doing is exploring scary things about myself and my future. So while I have some really good instincts about taking care of myself, there’s a part of me that craves SUGAR as a means to make it all better. I’m really glad that my good behaviors are so deeply ingrained. At the same time, I need to extend them even further.

‘Cause it sure is easy to do a lot of damage with that “other” 10 percent!